i wish we could go on a hike again. i wish i could capture her movement, her heart, hear thought again and more often. i wish we could talk again sometimes. the labyrinths behind aquamarine eyes would soften and let the daylight through. i don't wish for anything to be the same. but for new ways. new hikes.
Country Side Babies // Embracing what I have
Once a year when I'm in Lithuania I go visit one of my very best friends, an inspiration and spiritual guide, Evelina. On a countryside with her husband and now three children they live a life of fulfilment and freedom. With happy chickens and fresh eggs, a tiny lake and wild meadows around. They are far away from city noises yet close enough to stay attached to friends and family and a slight amount of busy life.
I remember talking on the phone to my friend just after her first boy was born. I was in a mountain village in Italy with a bunch of young filmmakers breeding ideas and filming 24/7, she was telling me how the birth went - in water and dimmed lights, many details that I enjoy knowing. How naturally the woman’s body goes into it’s own rhythm while birth, taking time, even capable to produce natural painkillers when needed. Since my childhood I though it was a magical natural mechanism, non stop fascinating in every detail. Of course, needless to say, every body and birth is different. But my friends story is overall natural and wishful.
Now, I watch the little ones grow. All talking, acting, deciding on things of their own little world. I’m kinda this aunty from far away, seldom coming around, but intensively playing with them and photographing them when I’m there, telling stories and learning about their universes of toys and curiosity. How incredibly unique and beautiful they are! How gentle their little fingers, big eyes with large ideas behind, with open souls they touch yours without shyness.
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Evelina and me are the same age, yet our lives are so different. Our focus’ are laid on different things in the material world, but spiritually she guides me so often with very simple words and understandable happier life formulas. Those seem to apply to anyone really, in any situation or position in the world.
I was always sure I will be a mama one day. Time is passing, all friends become mamas slowly one after another, and I just so don’t feel that way yet. Sometimes I envy this family life when seeing the beautiful sides of it, but I caught myself envying the idea of it. Today, I really don’t know if I will ever me a mother and enjoy motherhood, if it will be given to me, at least I stopped thinking about “the perfect picture” where everything is planned for a certain age, with a certain income or a certain real estate. As God’s ways are so overall mysterious - I simply don't know and am fine with it. Craving for that greener grass of the other side might not even be something I am capable of dealing with.
Right now, I live this single solo traveller life and I have to admit - I took me some time to recognise it’s perks and truly appreciate them. What I have right now is freedom, time and space to move without sacrifices. Yet it took me time to truly enjoy the gifts of my circumstances.
To embrace what you have - this is my biggest lesson of the past year. Is it your children, is it your job, is it your freedom - all of them are there for a while, be sure nothing's forever how it is right now. Look more closely, recognise the perks of the situation and appreciate them for your own happiness, doing the best of it. The world will be happier with a happy you.
The Girl who was a Fox
one good side about living on an island far far away is that friends want to eventually come and see it and see me. Helgoland seems to be an island where 'no one has ever been but was always curious to come and check it out'. as i am here right now, some adventurous friends dare it and take a weekend or more off for a short discovery trip. when i get visits here, they mostly are intense and very cozy, i show around the island, tell stories about baby seals, show the ocean horizon all around this tiny little island. we bond on this island much more, more intense than while i was still living on the mainland, where on weekends eventually you come together for a party or a dinner, but rarely experience a face to face time over a few days. then i bring them back to the boat and wave good bye. Maren came to visit me last weekend. she is a girl fox and she writes beautiful songs. i first met her outside of a café in Bochum where she was knitting a big fluffy Iceland style pullover, as she had spent lots of time living in Iceland. the second time i saw her in a sweater with a fox picture. i immediately had to show her my fox earrings i was wearing those days. on the last day of her Helgoland visit the sun was tickling my bedroom wall. we got inspired and played around for the sake of beauty.
for Maren's music you can check her page Girl and the Fox or visit her facebook site.
her left arm/shoulder tattoo was made by the Expanded Eye art duo, also to be found on facebook and instagram.
her right lower arm tattoo the leaf was designed by... me! <3 the ones who know me have seen it many times changing on my arm or had been given one, too, with my legendary permanent CD marker. since 2012 random examples one, two, three, four, five are to be found on my old blog. Maren eventually got it inked in Iceland.
ps:
“Just that,” said the fox. “To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world …”
Warming Up for the Wedding of Agne & Marius, Klaipeda, Lithuania
in the late summer weeks i left my daytime office job on the island for a short holiday. more than ever i was excited to visit my home country Lithuania - apart from family and a great lithuanian summer time there were two weddings waiting for me. the first one of Agne and Marius.
there is a story about me and Agne - she is like my sister, undeniable relative always and forever. we grew up together and she was the first girl i saw on my first day of school, totally impressed by some kind of strength energy around her which you could sense from across the big school hall. ever since, our friendship - sisterhood - grew. with a two more gals we became 'the four' throughout the twelve school years. with big dreams, lots of dancing, teenage adventure, tears over boys, make-up experiments, birthday surprise parties on roof tops with candles, house parties, fights over nothing, cafe club plans and friendship pacts for life building our relationship as of stone bricks together. days past, years past, we are all in different cities even countries now, with different agenda. but every time we talk - there it is, a sense of an invisible cable connecting us, like a blood twine, whatever we talk about. we changed a lot, of course. but there is a deep love there within. i guess this is meant to happen when your friendship goes back to the days your teeth were still growing out.
with all this and more - to photograph a wedding becomes more fun, way more responsibility, much more feeling. here you see a girl you love in love with a new friend for life that she found, her husband to be. but before we come to the wedding story there is this evening before the wedding, a warming up with long time not seen friends from the same school and childhood playground, in our awesome home town of Klaipeda in it's most beautiful cozy colours than ever. in a dimmed sun light we talk, hug, eat, drink, till the sun finally leaves us in safety with many home harbour lights to pet the eye.
its a moon over the ocean.
thank you Agne and Marius for the awesome vibe of the evening. and thank you Meat Lovers Pub for hosting us and making this vibe more possible. next post - the Wedding! ,-)
all shots with Nikon D7000 + Sigma Art 35mm f/1,4 DG HSM
Good Vibes at the Lobster Breeding Station, AWI Helgoland
The Alfred Wegener Institute - AWI - is a biological institute for polar and ocean science (also check their general english page). There are a few stations around Germany and also, proudly to say, there is one on Helgoland! so the other half of the island inhabitants are students from all over the globe, who are somehow not often to be seen anywhere around, but they are young, fresh, full of energy and - at least it's my impression - positively loaded people. A few weeks ago the institute had an open door day and I took the chance to finally look around (and finally see those cheerful people all in one building, magically lowering the average age of the already mentioned inhabitants of the island).when i was in school i had a great biology teacher and she didn't need to do a lot to force me to do any homework for her subject. I was redrawing the human blood systems voluntary of the book into my notebook, spending more hours than needed for a regular homework. for some reason though I never dreamed of a biologist career. event though I think it would have suited my soul quite a lot. Either way, the doors where open and finally one could see those crazy funny creatures in tanks and basins, or their skeletons or drawings. Lobsters and sea spiders in neon colours, all having their own names given by the workers of the station. The Lobster Breeding Station is one tour you can buy tickets for on regular days, and it's booming for it's popularity. Because lobsters are facing difficulties in the raising temperature of the north sea, here scientists grow the lobsters to a certain size and once in a year they let them out into the wild to continue on grow in their natural habitat in there. Here are some quick and very positive impressions of a place that is worth coming back to.
That's Valentine, the Hugh Hefner of the Lobster Breeding Station. He's here to get laid with as many female lobsters as possible. As it is a breeding station... remember.
This above - one of my favourite photos i had taken.
All this warehouse style space full of water and life - good energy, good vibe, good colour for the day and more. It reminded me of some good.